Feeling Betrayed

The thing about betrayal & the pain that comes with it, is it’s never about just an acquaintance or even a casual friend. It’s always about those you care about or who you thought cared about you. Friends or family that mean a lot to you. When you hear things said about you behind your back that you would never have expected from those persons it feels like a knife down your back . You try to rationalize it   but it’s not as easy for an over thinker like me.
Esp., when you first hear something & let it go & the next day it’s worse lol. My first instinct is to lash back & sometimes I do I guess on Social Media. My second instinct is to confront (my usual method) and when I cannot bring myself to do that I withdraw like a tortoise into a shell until I feel safe to come out again. I always believe in direct confrontation because it helps clarify and everyone has a side which deserves to be heard. Sometimes you need the right time to confront and you cannot. Then in my frustration I pray & cry & it feels healing. I know the persons who said stuff are probably going through their own shit too. Stuff bigger than something as trivial as something they said which may not have been intended to hurt. That’s me thinking rationally.

So anyways am sniffling in the night & hubby asks me what’s wrong & I pour out a bit to him. He hugs me tight (sleep apnea machine & all) & tells me I may be blowing this out of proportion. That stuff when transferred from person to person always sounds worse & that if I feel that badly I must confront. He knows my nature though, feels for me and tells me not to let stuff bother me or steal my happy spirit. Be like a duck he says. Families and friends have these times he says. It may not be as sinister as it seems.  At that moment I know what I have known all along : that I  struck gold in marrying this wise man who speaks such wisdom & gives me strength & I hug him and go to sleep. Then I remember my favorite part of Thanksgiving when my oldest child said that even though she’s away from home, she was thankful that we still did things together, drove each other crazy & has fun when she comes home on break. That was my highlight. My happy for the week thought!

Maybe I will clarify but not now. For now, I will let go, not let this make me lose myself but I will learn from this & be wiser. Be cautious, not put myself in a position to be talked about & just pray for wisdom to discern.
I can only be me. Loving, loyal to a fault, crazy somewhat hyper me & if that’s not something people like it’s ok.  Friendships meant to last, or repair will no matter what. If not it’s ok.  But don’t let anything steal my peace or make me lose who I am.
Yet another crazy musing from my heart!

.