Riches

Riches

 I started this post on my trip back from Ocean City and am updating it today. It’s not in any way based off the Show “ Riches”  which BTW, I did binge watched two days back. Can’t wait for second season, It’s way better than Succession. I love family drama shows; Makes me feel like the drama I have in my family a’int that bad.

Back to my post :

 Am I rich? If I look into my perception of rich yep! My perception of rich is a person who a lot of love in their life, a full life, living a life loving what they do and have and no matter the storms rise above it. Now ‘s lets talk about money rich?  To answer this question, I must go right to the beginning! So, if you want to leave you should right now coz I could be awhile!

I grew up in a middle-class family in Bangalore, India. My mom got married at 18 coz her Railway Doctor Dad had a heart attack and wanted to see at least one of his 6 kids married before he died. So, mom married my dad ( 10 years her senior) the handsome PHD Zoology Professor who wooed her and after marrying her, encouraged her to pursue her studies. She went on to do her PHD and eventually became the principal of one of the most prestigious schools in Bangalore. Between, cousins, uncles’ aunts we have too many Doctors in the family. Maybe one of the reasons I revolted against doing my PHD even though I had the opportunity to do so when I passed out of Howard. Don’t get me wrong.. I am super proud of every one of them. Truth be told I was so tired of studying seeing I had to redo my degree and the RD program all over again in the US. Studying with two kids,  heck I was done. Anyway, not to digress but my family is big into education. Parents sent us to private Catholic school. My dad who was a jack of all trades and would stitch all our school uniforms and put rubber sole on our shoes to make them last longer. We had enough but never too much. My mom would paint the most beautiful dresses for us and paint a huge twig branch with silver and hang ornaments on it and that was out Christmas tree. Lots of creativity with not much money is how I lived my childhood. Went to the Middle East in my early twenties but  spent all the money I made on some trinkets of Gold ( cheap there) and sent the rest of the money home. Now I did have the opportunity to become wealthy in the Middle East and some may call me foolish but I yeah, I didn’t take the opportunity. It’s a bit of a story but every bit true and you can fact check whatever!

Winter, 2014, At Al- Nada hospital In Muscat Oman the Sultan’s brother got admitted because he went on a hunger strike and was wasting himself away to death. I nervously went into the VIP wing to ask his Highness what he wanted to eat. Had to get through two sets of guards  and I met this wiry dark-skinned gentleman who looked like a ghost. There are dark Omanis from the Zanzibar tribe and I guess there was some blood there. Next day I got summoned to the Hospital administrator’s office with a strange request. The young hospital administrator called Azhan ( he must have been about 35) told me the Sultan’s brother had asked that I sit with him while he ate, or he wouldn’t eat. That was such a strange request, but he made it seem almost normal and said he would go in with me and it was from Royalty etc. So that’s how I found myself sitting in front of the Sultan’s brother as he pecked at his food. In his defense he did eat and did nothing other than acknowledge that I was there. It was not awkward. There was one instance where he talked to me and that was when he said I looked like his daughter who had died when she was young. That made me feel a little easier and my heart softened that he was eating and getting better. He had this habit of throwing around $ 100- and $ 500-dollar bills as tips to nurses, anyone who entered the room. I refused any cash which made him curse. I did however take a gold watch from him when his bodyguard told me he had requested to be bought for me and that he would be very offended If I did not take it. I still have the watch. It lies in a lock box along with our passports. Anyway, I ignored the whispers of the nurses and other staff who made fun of the fact that I had to go in everyday and were certain that there was something going on. I guess that’s where I got my thick skin Idk. Anyway after 10 weeks he had recovered enough to go home. It’s a tradition that they don’t take back what they came to the hospital with, and the gentleman came with royal cutlery, plates of gold and other possessions to make his stay comfortable. On leaving ,it’s donated to charity or the hospital would sell the tuff and create a wing in the person’s honor. Well, this gentleman left the entire entourage, gold plates and all to me in a signed will kind of document. I remember being shocked when Azhan told me, and I was emphatic that I did not want it. This was the time I was dating my husband who was in the US. I had already decided to come here and was honestly relived that her gentleman was going home, and I could be free to leave the country and marry my love. Now in retrospect, maybe if I had kept even a few of the gold platters I could have financed my holiday beach home ( Just kidding)! Azhan had me sign a document stating I had no interest in the goods whatsoever and sign it over to him. I thought it was going to the hospital but later I heard that Azhan took the stuff and moved away. Went home to India and then came here to the states.

My husband came from a middle-class family too. We never had the insane riches some Indian families do but lived well. He had a dream to come to America, came here with one semester tuition fee borrowed from his boss, worked hard, and got a full scholarship/assistantship for the rest of his education. He graduated with a master’s in information systems from Bowie State. While studying, he worked two jobs and lived a sacrificial student life ( something only immigrant students would know about). He landed a good job with DOT, worked for  2 years, got married and brought me over. Our first home was in Laurel MD. A cute apartment about 30 minutes from Annapolis. I had nothing much to do the first year, so I studied for my GRE, watched “ days of our lives”  experimented recipes on my husband and lived an idyllic life. Every evening I would wait for him to come home and after a quick dinner, we would drive to Annapolis and stand in line for some home-made Rum and Raisin ( for me ) and Rocky Road( for him) from the quaintest little ice cream store I have ever been to. We still go there with our kids and show them mom and dad’s hangout joint.  Then I studied at UDC and Howard, had the kids and life got busy. We didn’t get our Green Card until after I finished my studies so my education was a hefty amount which my husband gladly paid for. We moved to our first home in 1997, a cute little home in Gaithersburg MD, then moved to our second home a month after my second child was born. When I tell people where I live, they assume I am rich but na. Like many other families in this neighborhood, we moved here coz my husband wanted to give his kids the best public-school education we could. We never paid for private school, so I guess that itself was worth the mortgage.  We live well, but like most couples have had our financial struggles. In 2015, I left my secure, well-paying job with a company to step out into my own practice mainly because I wanted to be home more. My oldest child had a back issue which was stressful on her, and I wanted to be there for her. It took a few years for my business to get going and I will never regret that decision because now I am in a place where I can choose what I want to do and follow my heart workwise. I love non -profits and community nutrition will always have my heart and soul. At the time I stepped out of my FT job literally in Faith, my husband lost his job and for 3 months we had almost no income coming in. Thank God for severance and some savings we managed and even sent home the usual $2000  we sent every month to support parents. It’s an Indian tradition to look after your parents financially if you can. Not something I would ever expect from my children which is why we put aside money so we can be independent when we grow older but yeah, helping parents was something we did without thinking twice. Then my husband got a better position with the same company and were good again. But it was a time of Faith. Like every family we prioritize what we spend on. My grown girls like to dine out so we splurge on “Fogo de Chao”  and other fancy dinners when we can. But for us, dinning out is usually for pleasure. I like to cook and there is almost always dinner/meals at home, plus my kids and husband like my cooking so regular meals are home cooked and outside dinner are a splurge. Quite balanced, I think! I buy quality food, am big into sales and will stock up when steak goes on sale etc. I love thrift stores and pick up a lot of my clothing and Knick knacks from some high-end thrift stores I know off. I think it’s great to recycle. The one thing we splurge on is travel. Well,  for any Indian family who wants the kids to go back and see their roots you learn to budget a good 12 grand for that trip coz travelling to India is not cheap. When the kids were little, we went there more, trying to fit in the ‘Taj mahal’ or London enroute but like most Indian families, that yearly visit to India is a must… almost like a pilgrimage for kids to bond with family there. Now, we do more trips in the US and since my husband is the “ Give them the best experience” kind we stay inside the national parks and do everything that’s available for the experience. We have a big trip planned in June and we are excited. Holy Land, Egypt, and Jordan with a group of people and children who we have known for ages. My husband and I love little getaways and we manage to keep it budget friendly by booking with Hotels Tonight. If you’ve never tried that app, you should. If you book on the same day you can get a fully loaded room … like at a beach with ocean front, jacuzzi for a fraction of the cost. We have used Hotels tonight at NYC, Ocean City and gotten great rooms for under $100, even $60 etc. When we go out, we splurge on one good meal at a local restaurant. My husband likes my cooking, so if I pack a small box of goat biryani and shrimp masala with chapathi he will happily eat in the hotel. We do a happy hour or take our own wine and we have a great little getaway which is perfectly affordable every month. I love these trips and feel luxurious when we go on them! I feel like we are living the dream without breaking the bank if that makes sense! But hey even in our first few days of marriage when we ate at home and went to the little ice cream store, I felt like I was totally living the dream. I clean my own home even though cleaning is not my strong suit so I feel fully justified in going out on date night or our little getaways! When the pandemic hit, I was jobless for some time and since my husband’s job became fully online, he gave up the lease on his stick shift car and instead we got a hybrid electric. My daughter took my old Rav 4, and  we share a car. Well, we have the old faithful family van which my husband can use in an emergency which we pay nothing for but for all purposes we share a nice car. We don’t need two great cars right now. I love the smooth drive on my hybrid! Since it gives me 50 miles and I am quite good about charging it, I have never had to put gas except when we go out of town. So yeah, again, driving nice wheels without breaking the bank. My husband and I are immigrants who came with nothing and got to where we are with hard work. Coming from a country where poverty is very real, we can never be fully comfortable without giving back so we support a lot of charities in India. So, ask me again… am I rich? I will say yes, in the things that matter and otherwise too we have what we need and more and love our lives so ….

Thanks for stopping by and reading this longish post! You are patient lol!

I

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